ME, as a medical student...and as a doctor

First and foremost...

Thank to Allah for choose me to be a doctor..

Thank you for my parents for guide me to choose to be a doctor..

Thank you to my husband for his support since i was a student,HO till now..

it's really tough memorable when i remembered about studying medical school..want to know why...because i really hate reading books(but i love story books)...arghhhhhhhhhhhh.....really really hate...i wondered how i survived...

i able to finish in 5 years..thats good enough..i dont need A's ..i need to pass only...Excellent student does not make you a great or good doctor...i'll prove it oneday...

July 2004, i started my HO in Ipoh Hospital..ortho unit first...huh..really hard...i kept saying to myself.."first time is always tough"...then i managed to go thru...then medical unit..the MO's really nice..eventhough lots works to do..i enjoyed the works...

The worst department was surgical..eventhough i was already considered as junior MO but the way they treated to each other...huh...i dont like surgery...i cried almost everyweek hoping day would end fast and i could get out from that department quickly..

Experience handling patient till their death...

first..this happen when day one in medical department..i never faced with death before...there was a patient , 40-50 years(couldnt remember exact age) old indian lady was having shortness of breath, cold clammy hands and this one MO asked me to take her blood pressure...i was so shocked but i did take the pressure..i could not hear the beep but it's really odd if there's no pressure..i tried few times but still unable to get the measure..so when my Mo asked me what's the reading..i was so embarrased so i told him the measure(which was considered a lying)..he not satisfied yet he did not scold me..he took by himself and he told me unrecordable..2 seconds patient died in front of us..well of course we did our best with my first time CPR...the moral that i got that day is..i need to be confident and dont afraid to be scold...what the worst they can do to us is only scolding, yelling, and scolding(which is the synonim word for HO)..no physical contact okey...what u can do back is yelling back..but of course in silent mood please....

second, also happen in medical unit when first time oncall...that day is really bad day...i faced 5 death on my on call day...what a jonah day....
one death i remembered was a makcik malay lady already not a good condition has kidney damage need to go for peritonial dialysis..PD..(maknanya kena cucuk perut dia dan alirkan air dalam badan utk buang toksin dalam badan pasal kidney dah rosak teruk..)...kira scary jugak actually prosedur ni..silap ari bulan tercucuk usus...so that day..i need to do PD to that makcik...she's already 50-50 at that time...so i proceded..but it's worked for one hour only..then started bleeding..my MO said it could be there was small bleeding becuase of that procedure and that makcik become worst...one hour we tried to save her..but Allah loves her more...i was really down because i kept thinking i took her life...but as my MO said she's already in bad condition so
it's just that i make it fast...huahua..sampai hati kooo cakap macam tuh................i saw the family members face..they were looking at me..with tears...but they could not see my heart also crying badly..so at the end of the day..how hard to learn something that need other to sacrify..

third..another death that i could not forget till now is...ex staff nurse chinese has a daughter who is a doctor ni Sarawak..she was from manjung had been diagnosed to have haemorrhagic dengue fever...was refered to hospital ipoh at that time with platelet already 11x103..really,really low...need urgent transfusion...that day i was oncall..so i need to monitor the patient..need to do everything fast..but as u know..goverment hospital ..how to be fast and furious....??..after 2 hours only she be able to receive transfusion..i barely slept that nite...may be few minutes..need to close monitor..then at 630 am..she started to have shortness of breath..i thought could be pleural effusion which already diagnosed ealier..i gave and did anything that i supposed to do..at that time her daughter want to talk with me..asking about her mother...tgh2 cakap..mak dia menghembuskan nafas yg terakhir..betapa sayu nya hati dan panik nya myself tgk pesakit tuh..anak dia kat sarawak memang terkejut sbb tiba2 bunyi bising melalui telefon...can u imagine that...hearing ur own mother dying only thru phone...that's case was sent up to state coz it's dengue case..she was a healthy person but died because of dengue ...who knows their fate in the future??..no one knows...only ALLAH knows..

anyway another things i learned...kita hanya merawat tuhan yg menentukan..since that day..everytime i wanted do PD.. i'm so scarry..i swear i will not procede my study in medical...

these are part of my experience that i want to share with...part of memory of being bullied, tortured...and the end of the day..i kept thinking and asking my self..how could i survive...Can i call my self..I"M SURVIVOR...